


We're Never Inviting Deadpool Again

by rebelmeg



Series: Christmas Card Ficlets [6]
Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Deadpool being Deadpool, Gen, slaughtered song lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 23:24:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17031915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelmeg/pseuds/rebelmeg
Summary: Inviting Deadpool over for Christmas may have been a bad idea...





	We're Never Inviting Deadpool Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BoovPerson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoovPerson/gifts).



> This ficlet was for the lovely [BoovPerson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoovPerson)! She picked the prompt “For goodness gracious IT’S 3 AM PLEASE STOP CAROLING!”, with Deadpool and any of the Avengers.

It started at 2:45. Tony knew because he was up anyway, redesigning a flame thrower he was tempted to add to the Iron Man suit, and the song was preceded by the sound of large footsteps trying to be sneaky on the carpet out in the hall.

_“Deck the halls with fresh-ly spilled blood, fa la la la la, la la la la!”_

“You better not be decking my halls with blood!” Tony yelled through the door, and the only reply was a maniacal cackle and the ding of the elevator as the culprit left.

\---------------------------------

Natasha’s eye cracked open and she looked at the clock the second the elevator arrived on her floor. 2:47 a.m.

She was going to murder someone tonight.

There was tiptoeing out in the hall, then, _“Santa baby, just slip a big Glock under my tree, for meeee.”_

Slipping from her bed, Natasha palmed one of the knives she kept under her pillow and moved silently to the door, cracking it open.

A shriek and a juicy curse later, her knife was embedded in the wall, and she was being flipped off as the door to the stairs closed.

She went back to bed feeling very grumpy, leaving the knife out in the hall as a warning.

\---------------------------------

_“Rockin’ around the Christmas tree, havin’ chi-mi-changas now.”_

Festive jingle bells had been added to the noise, and they were being jingled enthusiastically outside Clint’s door.

Clint, however, was dreaming of pizza as he drooled into his pillow, and heard nothing as the jingle bells and slaughtered Christmas song faded.

\---------------------------------

Steve was a light sleeper, so he heard the warbling as the elevator doors opened on his floor.

_“Gloooo-ooooo-ooooo-oooooria! These eggshells are days old!”_

“There’s no way they changed the lyrics to that,” Steve mumbled, turning his face into his pillow. The rest of the chorus was sung louder, as if to make sure everyone in New York had a chance to hear it, and Steve was grateful when the noise finally faded and he could get back to sleep.

\--------------------------------

A deep baritone was belting out _“I’mmmmmmmmmm dreaming… of a whiiiiiiiiiiiite… sex-maaaaaaaaaaaas…”_ as the elevator arrived on Thor’s floor. It ended abruptly in a squeak, however, when the doors opened to reveal the God of Thunder, standing right on the other side of the doors with his arms folded, scowling at the Bing Crosby wannabe.

“Not on this floor, you’re not.”

A frantic stabbing of the “Close Doors” button, and Thor was allowed to return to bed in peace.

\--------------------------------

_“Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say, you are cray-cray.”_

Bruce didn’t know if he wanted to Hulk out or cry. “For goodness gracious, IT’S THREE IN THE MORNING, PLEASE STOP CAROLING!”

“You’re not gonna Hulk out in there, are you Dr. Jekyll?” The voice sounded like the guy’s mouth was pressed right to the crack in the door.

“Wade, I am begging you… go away and be quiet!”

“Rude, I’m telling Santa on you! You’ve been a baaaad boy, you’re gonna get punished!” There was the sound of whipcrack and naughty giggling.

Bruce yanked a pillow over his head and clamped it down around his ears, whimpering.

This was the last time Deadpool sweet-talked himself into having Christmas with the Avengers.


End file.
